The Importance of Moving from Doing to Being
One of the things I’ve learned through coaching - both as a practitioner and as a client - is the clear distinction between doing and being.
When we are in doing mode, we are focused on achieving particular goals. These can be external goals such as finishing a project, increasing revenues, or getting physically fit. They can also be internal goals such as feeling happy, being kind, or even striving for perfection.
In doing mode, our brains are always turned on. We’ve given our brain a problem to solve - finish the project, make more sales calls, get more exercise - along with some idea of what the outcome should look like. We’re simultaneously thinking about what might happen in the future while looking back into the past to get guidance on how to move forward. This cycle continues until our brains are satisfied that the outcome meets the expectations set by the initial goal.
For example, if we are concerned about an upcoming presentation at work there will be plenty of discrepancies between how well we think we will do and how well we actually do. We will likely be feeling some emotional fallout that could include imposter syndrome, frustration, or aggravation. While there are an infinite number of ways to work through this problem, our brains often take us to that place where the only outcome will be we have to push as hard as humanly possible to make it as close to perfect as we can. This becomes the loop in our minds. I’m going to fail if it’s not perfect. I can’t attain perfection. I’m going to fail if it’s not perfect. I can’t attain perfection. Essentially, our brains are keeping us locked in the very state of mind that we’re trying to escape.
When we’re in doing mode our thoughts are creating our reality. Regardless of what is actually happening outside our minds, our reality is being created by the thought loop that our minds are preoccupied with.
On the other hand, when we are in being mode, our minds have “nothing to do and nowhere to go.”
Being creates a sense of presence in the moment. Our brains are not focused on achieving particular goals. Therefore, there is nothing for it to monitor, assess or analyze. In being mode, we can create acceptance and allowing, without the desire to change what’s happening internally or externally. We are able to fully experience the moment.
Whatever thoughts may arise can be seen as simply passing events we have become aware of. Feelings that come up are not tied to past events. There is no need to push away thoughts or feelings, as they are not connected to stories or experiences from the past. We do not need to judge or analyze them. They are just what they are.
This creates a greater sense of freedom. We are allowed to simply respond to our experiences as they unfold, instead of trying to manage and control them. Our brains are not struggling to fill the gap between a desired outcome and our perceived reality. Whatever the outcome is will be the outcome we get. And that is enough.
It should be no surprise to anyone that we live in a society where doing is far more encouraged than being. We are a goal oriented folk after all. Even those of us who struggle with identifying our own goals have goals foisted upon us by others. Metrics and statistics dominate our lives and are the crux of decision making in the vast majority of situations.
Here’s an example of how doing versus being can show up in our lives.
Let’s say you want to be more organized. You are feeling overwhelmed by all the work to be done - both personally and professionally. There is too much to do and you’re feeling like a failure for not being able to do it all.
In doing mode, you can set up systems and structures for each area of your life that is feeling stretched too thin. You can buy new materials for organizing your documents, beautiful Sharpies and post-its to make colorful displays and charts, and buy new software to streamline your processes.
You dutifully use them for a week or two. Then slowly, the new systems and tools you have stop being as useful. Your brain reminds you that the only way for you to be successful is to become more organized. So, you go back to the drawing board and try to figure out where you went wrong. Rinse and repeat.
In being mode, you recognize you are struggling with not being able to do it all. That struggle is making you feel like a failure. What you want most is to feel successful. You recognize the feelings of overwhelm are a symptom of not allowing yourself to feel the success in your life. You take the time to understand what success means to you. With this understanding, you are able to let go of responsibilities that are not in alignment with that vision. You allow yourself to be yourself as you are here, today.
In short, the doing solution is to set a goal and find a way to accomplish it and to keep going back to that goal until it’s fully achieved. The being solution is to figure out what’s important to you, allow yourself to be who you are and accept yourself in this moment.
And here’s where the magic comes in. When you address situations from a place of being, the doing takes care of itself.
Sounds pretty awesome, huh? Here are some ways you can start spending more time in being mode instead of doing mode.
1. Decide what is most important to you
Do you live your life according to your values and expectations, or those of others? Whether it’s your family of origin or society in general, we often have stories about what life should look like and what should be most important to us. If “should” is in your vocabulary, that’s a key indicator you are focused on someone else’s values or expectations, and not your own.
Take some time to start to identify what is truly important to you. What do you most value in life? How are you living into these values? How are you not? Where could you start to make some small shifts?
2. Honor your strengths
We all have unique strengths and those things that are more challenging for us. There is no need for you to be good at everything. When you come up against something that is more challenging for you, think about whether it’s necessary to push through, or if you’re able to get assistance in that area, thereby releasing some stress and overwhelm from your own life. Focus on what you’re good at and celebrate yourself and your uniqueness every day.
A daily gratitude practice is a great place to start. Writing down 3-5 new things you’re grateful for each day, and making sure at least one of those things is something you brought into the world that day is a wonderful way to start to acknowledge your genius.
3. Release the past
The past is in the past and that's where it needs to remain. Reliving past events and beating yourself up does nothing but bring those problems into the present, keeping the energy of them alive. Give yourself permission to release the past and be open to what the present and future may bring.
4. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is about being present in the moment. The easiest way to do this is to practice presence. Each day, find a time to stop what you’re doing and ask yourself:
What are three things I see?
What are three things I hear?
What are two things I feel?
What is one thing I smell?
What is one thing I taste?
This simple practice allows you to tap directly into your experience in the moment. Consistent practice will begin to open your awareness throughout the day, allowing you to spend more time in the present moment.
These practices can start to move you from living in doing mode and spending more time in being mode. Over time, this can lead to more satisfaction, gratification and enjoyment of the life you have as it helps you decide which path to take that is right for your unique life.
You’re the only one who gets to live your life. So, isn’t it about time to start living it on your terms?
